Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
