I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
