my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
