Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize