I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize