you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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