I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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