I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
