Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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