You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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