If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
