my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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