worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
