You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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