If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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