He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
