ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
what day is it and did you see me today?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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