i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
