I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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