Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
