I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
