remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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