Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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