i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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