I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
