shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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