Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Drunk is not a location!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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