His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
