He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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