it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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