try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
