We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
