Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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