Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
