Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
