Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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