so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
