I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
