i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So squirting runs in the family.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
