i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
