You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
