I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
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All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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