Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
