got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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