I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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