If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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