he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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