So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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