I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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