turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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