Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
