Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
