I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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