I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
