Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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