ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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