I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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