I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
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Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
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hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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