the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?