I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
