i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me