The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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